Bonded Labour

I’ve never thought am growin old or becoming more in charge. That am mature or that am big enough. In my professional life so far, its either been independence or workin for someone as a junior or as part of a team. For a whole lot part of life previously, I was a student.

It’s a rather weird situation increasingly prevalent in my life that I’ve more powers. Have people workin under me and for me. They call me 'madam/ma'am'. Sisters and interns. I am in a position to decide how their day turns out or their night. How early or late they go home. Whether they are able to enjoy a festival. I am doin post-graduation.
I can’t handle it! I can’t stand someone subservient to me! I don’t deserve it! Either I do the work on my own or let there be no such work!.. They may not mind it. They may follow me and even like me. But I feel guilty! I end up telling a sorry while askin ‘em to write a patient’s discharge summary at an odd hour. To put a urine catheter. To shift a bad patient to ICU. Work-up a patient I admit in the middle of night. It’s a part of their job. But they are under direct orders from me. And I’m helpless. As part of our duties we all have well defined work. I couldn’t be doin everythin on my own too. It’s odd. This feelin. I can’t handle the power. I wanna finish asap. Not the least bit to end my odd bondage as a senior!